y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
