she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
