I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
