My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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