I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
do herpes really smell.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
