My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
whose parrot is this?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
