they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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