i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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