when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
