i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
