im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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