Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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