actually, I'm a sock model
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
