The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
