I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
