I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
