Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
