i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
