i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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