bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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