someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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