Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
