you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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