This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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