when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
