I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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