I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
