let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
