Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
