wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
