to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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