i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
