but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
