I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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