New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
