Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
