Please, let me fuck your mom
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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