we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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