Just fell off a train. Bad.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
be right there i have to get my cape
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
