I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
