get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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