Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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