i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
