i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
two words...techno handjob
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just high enough for therapy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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