he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize