listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
