you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
