I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
