Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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