It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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