Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
