but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
