Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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