The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize