What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
