My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize