Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
