life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
