after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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