I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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