some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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