garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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