Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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