I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh god it's open bar.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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