All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
