Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
