I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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