Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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