Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
