she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
