There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that's an acceptable place to lick
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
