Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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