I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
