I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We need to get me chipped asap
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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