but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
