Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
