So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
