Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
