Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
