mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
