My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
