I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
