Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
