Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
