I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize