Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
