i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
